do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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