So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize