That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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