Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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