yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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