fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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