Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize