You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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