I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
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Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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