and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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