He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am puke
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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