I hope mine doesn't look like that
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize