Cold hands, warm shart.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
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My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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