You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
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there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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