I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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