I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize