just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize