Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
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just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
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When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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