My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
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Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
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I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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