I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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