I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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