The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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