I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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