If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize