There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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