You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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