I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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