It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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