Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
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Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
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I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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