I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
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I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He better not be in your backpack
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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