i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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