i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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