can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize