I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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