Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize