For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i've created a new STD.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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