He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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