That reminds me...we need to get swords
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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