I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
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She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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