If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize