mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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