i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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