my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
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I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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