youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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