I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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