this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize