turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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