The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
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So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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