I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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