He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
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we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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